Why won't he marry me? - News - Jamaica Gleaner - Tuesday | May ...

Q My boyfriend of three years wants us to move the relationship to another level. We have enjoyed each other's company. We communicate well and have few disagreements. We get on with each other. Our friends feel that we were made for each other. We are both professionals and he has rented a lovely apartment. I still live with my parents. My boyfriend wants me to become his live-in partner. My parents are against this move and think we should get married first.He believes that my parents are holding on to me and that there is not much difference between marriage and living together. Furthermore, it would be like a test marriage to see if marriage will work. His parents are open to the suggestion. I love my boyfriend, but I would rather be married than just a live-in partner. How can I tell him that without losing him?

A: It is acceptable to many couples to be involved in a live-in relationship. Some persons see it as a test run on marriage to ascertain whether persons are compatible. Some men believe they should wait until they own a house before they take a wife.Therefore, while they rent a house they will engage in live-in relationships. Many adults have lived together in a romantic relationship outside of a legal marital union.

However, you need to consider the financial implications of living together. Will he expect you to pay half of the rent, or part of the rent? What portion of the expenses will you have to share? Will you be sharing health insurance? Will you be living free? And how will furniture, appliances, CDs, books, cutlery, pets etc, be split if there is a break-up? If things are bought after you move in, who owns what? Does he plan to buy a house with you before getting married? If you move in and you buy a house, make sure your name is on the title. Also consult your lawyer because your situation seems to suggest that tenancy in common would be your better option, especially if you want to leave your benefit to your parents. And remember that if you buy a house together and you apply for the mortgage together, then even after the break-up you are both responsible for the mortgage.

different protection

Despite changes to the law, unmarried live-in couples do not have the same legal protection as married couples. Certain protections and advantages that are legal only happen after five years for unmarried live-in couples. These are just a few of the practical issues to be resolved and discussed with your boyfriend. These challenges might change his mind to your position.

You and your parents have different family values from your boyfriend and his parents. You need to discuss whether there are other moral issues on which you have fundamental differences.

It might be instructive that he is suggesting a live-in relationship because he sees no difference between marriage and a live-in relationship. If there is no difference, why does he not marry you? And that he wants a test run means he is not fully confident about the relationship with you. You need to ascertain what are the issues why he is hesitant. He might be having commitment issues or he might just be a cautious person.

You need to tell him how you feel and he should respect your views. How he handles this news will indicate whether there is a future for both of you.

Email:editor@gleanerjm.com

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Source: http://jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20130521/news/news6.html

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